Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Show Us Your Stuff!

June 29, 2005


Thank you to the Certified General Accountants of Ottawa for inviting me to MC the golf tournament for Big Sisters/Big Brothers of Ottawa, although the request for me to tell ‘accountant jokes’ at the dinner is a bit of a challenge. I am not one to remember jokes, but I did check on the internet and lo and behold, there are thousands of accountant jokes! But my personal favourite: why was the accountant so excited that it was Saturday? Because he gets to wear casual clothes to work! Now you can see why I don’t tell jokes.

Friday morning, Glass Tiger lead singer Alan Frew is joining us in the studio on ‘the Morning After Show’ on Bob FM. He’ll not only treat us to some stories about appearing on the hit NBC show, ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’, he’s also coming with food! Alan’s wife Marcy has created a new line of salad dressings, appropriately called ‘Marcy’s’ dressings. He’s bringing a cooler full for us to try. We’re not used to delicious, healthy food in morning radio. Usually I’m surrounded by people eating microwaved pizza pops or hot dogs at 6 in the morning.

Saturday is ‘Live 8’ day. I for one hope it rains on Saturday, so I don’t feel so guilty watching TV indoors on a beautiful sunny day. JR and I were wondering if the CTV coverage is being hosted by Ben Mulroney. Uh oh. Anyhow, it should be an awesome day, with Live 8 being beamed all over the world, some 1.2 billion people expected. The day of entertainment does send out an important message, so check out the website www.makepovertyhistory.ca to get all the background info you need. And wear your white wrist-band!

Thanks to BOB FM listeners for their concern about my snapping turtle nest. A female laid 24 eggs in my lawn last week, then buried them. To keep the eggs safe from marauding skunks or raccoons, I was told to get my husband to ‘pee’ on the turtle egg nest. I must admit its one of the stranger things I’ve requested of my husband. The eggs are supposed to hatch on September 3rd. So far, none of my friends has stepped in to offer to host a turtle shower for me.

If you don’t have Bruce Springsteen tickets, mark it on your calendar: Sunday morning, July 10th. JR and I will be out in the parking lot of the radio station, here at 87 George Street in the market. Decide what you’d be willing to trade for Springsteen tickets. It could be anything. Signed Springsteen memorabilia, a bike, a high definition TV, your concert ticket stub collection, a lawn mower, wedding gifts you’ve never used, your lava lamp collection, a pressure washer, whatever. You simply exchange your stuff for our tickets. The more creative, the better! This is one of those contests I wish I could enter myself.

Happy Canada Day! See you on Parliament Hill. I’ll be the one wearing red and

Friday, June 24, 2005

Chair people versus Standing People

June 24, 2005


The count-down is on! Just a few days before the kids are outta school! Not having any kids, I miss out on the ultimate glee that kids feel at this time of year. I remember the last day of school, and I’m not sure if this holds true today, but somehow I always had the kind of teacher who gave us a test on the very last morning before we were finally let out for the summer. I spent the whole time starting out the class window. The first thing I did when I finally got out of school was catch a big jar of bees or frogs. Somehow they always escaped. Growing up on Alta Vista Drive, I’m pretty sure we had the only backyard that was filled with frogs the entire summer. Never went to camp but my two brothers, Paul and Bob did. When my brother Paul was at camp he mailed a letter back to my parents that said, ‘hi. We’re ok, food is ok. Bob threw up. Love, Paul’.

Its cottage squatter time, too. This is JR’s term for people who don’t have a cottage but show up unexpected at other people’s cottages each weekend with 6 hot dogs and a 6 pack of Wildcat beer. Then, come Sunday night, they leave with their 6-pack of Wildcat.

I was driving down the Queensway the other day behind a Harley that had one of those side-cars. In the side car was a dog. Ears flapping, lips flapping, he looked pretty cool. He even seemed to be snickering at the dog next to him in the front seat of a mini van. Don’t know where you buy a motorcycle helmet for a dog, but this dog had one.

It wouldn’t be an Ottawa summer without the return of the great debate. People who attend summer music festivals are once again divided into two groups: those who stand and those who bring lawn chairs. I usually get to a music festival early and stand. Its not long before someone in a lawn chair is shouting at me to get out of the way. Where do you stand, er, or sit, on this issue? I suggest that people who bring chairs don’t want to stand because its hard on their legs. So, here’s my solution: festival organizers rig up rows and rows of ‘Jolly Jumpers’. You know those contraptions that are hooked up to doorways, there’s a seat and you plunk your infant into it. The kid is in a standing position, but he’s not using any leg muscles to stand. So the people who go to Bluesfest can leave their chairs at home, climb into a jolly jumper, and everyone’s happy. What do you think?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Summer in the City!

Happy summer! Its finally officially here. Its time to kick back and relax and enjoy the time of year we wait for ....for months and months and months. I’m pretty happy about the fact that I just finished a major landscaping project which meant that I was picking up hundreds of rocks from the side of the road. I was never really sure if this was legal. Who owns the rocks on the side of the road? Best not to ask, I guess. Its a bit of a ‘grey area’. So, whenever I found a road-side stash of nice looking boulders, as soon as I heard a car coming, I hid behind a tree. You can never be too careful. I’d hate to be apprehended for stealing somebody else’s rocks.

A report just came out identifying Ottawa as the least expensive North American city in which to live. I heard about this report a day after coming back from a weekend in Toronto, which is one of the most expensive cities. While in Toronto, four of us were charged a five dollar cover just to get into a restaurant. Sheesh! But nothing tops Belize City, where not only do you have to pay to use a public washroom, you have to pay extra for toilet paper. A dollar a square. No wonder everyone stayed away from the refried beans.

While in Toronto, my husband and I stumbled right into a Hillary Duff video that was being filmed off King Street. No one in Toronto seemed to care that this was going on. Thats one of the differences between Toronto and Ottawa. A few years back, Yasmine Bleeth was in Ottawa to film a movie. She was on the front page of the Ottawa Sun every day she was here. Crowds tailed here everywhere she went. She complained. She even cried. I wonder what Yasmine Bleeth is doing these days. Maybe she should come back to Ottawa!

Thanks to BOB FM’s very own Milky for his fast fingers. Milky had the magic touch when it came time to buy Bruce Springsteen tickets on line. My streak of getting shut out of concert tickets from internet sales continues, but Milky somehow got through on the website and got me a pair. Problem is, he still has my credit card number. If an Ottawa Renegades beer fridge ends up on my Visa bill, I’ll know why. p.s. if you didn’t get Springsteen tickets, not to worry, we are giving them away here on 939 BOB FM!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Bruce the Boss and Bruce the Shark

Your reaction to the announcement that Live 8 is playing TORONTO, not OTTAWA, on July 2nd may have been the same as mine. Oh sure, once again, Toronto gets everything. But then I thought about it for a minute. And, as difficult as this is for me, I have put my ‘Toronto-gets-everything’ angst aside for this. The Live 8 concert needs to be in Canada. Somewhere in Canada. May as well hold it in a city that knows how to handle 150,000 people. The message is too important, and if you want specifics, check the makepovertyhistory.ca website. We need to make a big splash to send a message about finally doing something for the impoverished people in the world.

And now onto something frivolous. Its mosquito season. Stopped in at my favourite Giant Tiger store the other day and saw the funniest weapon yet in the war against mosquitoes. Its a hand held mosquito zapper that takes batteries and is shaped exactly like a tennis racquet. You simply sit out on your deck and swing away at the bugs, and the mesh of the racquet takes their lights right out. It looks like you’re playing a game of solo tennis when in fact you’re ridding your environment of mosquitoes. I suspect in the hands of Venus or Serena Williams, this thing is deadly.

Do you have your plan of attack yet for Bruce Springsteen tickets? 10 o’clock Monday, here we go again. This time there are two websites you can buy tickets from, www.capitaltickets.ca (a personal disaster for me), or you can try your luck at the House of Blues website, www.hob.ca. Then of course there’s always the option of standing in line at the Cataraqui Town Centre Sports Experts in Kingston.

This Monday on the morning show, we will be celebrating the 30th anniversary of the movie ‘Jaws’. Courtesy of the good folks at CD Warehouse, we have tons of copies of the new Jaws Anniversary dvd to give away. Time to bone up on your Jaws trivia! Seems fitting that we’re having a ‘Jaws’ themed show on the day Bruce Springsteen tickets go on sale, because the shark in the movie was named Bruce. Bit of a stretch, I know. Good luck on Monday!!!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Orange grooms and orange popsicles

Thank you to the people who have written to me about their ‘spray-on tan’ stories. Most have a common theme, someone needs a tan fast for some occasion, like a wedding. I especially enjoyed Mike’s story. On the night before his wedding, he sprayed himself up and down and sideways to look good for wedding day. Didn’t bother to read the instructions on the fake tan bottle. Now he has a photo on his mantle that he will always cherish. The wedding party surrounded by orange day lilies. And Mike’s skin is exactly the same color. A nice orange.

On the morning show, somehow we got on the topic of Dickie Dee ice cream vendors. Isn’t this one of the hardest jobs in the world? You have to peddle fudgicles around on the hottest days of the summer, often times up hill all the way, and all you want to do is eat the profits. Our producer Matt Hamer tried it for one day as a summer job then parked the thing in his garage. He ate so many popsicles, he owed the company money at the end of the day.

With summer here, I’m trying my best to eat healthy, especially a lot of fish. The other day I went to a fish vendor. The clerk was super friendly, we talked about the weather, reality television, what its like working around a deep fish smell all day, stuff like that. Finally I said I wanted to try something different, so the fish vendor suggested sea bass. So I said sure, I’ll have two sea bass fillets. When I got to the cash, the total for two sea bass fillets was $38. My jaw dropped. I wanted to put the fish back but I thought I was in too deep. The moral of the story is, if you chat up a fish vendor, then you find out its $38 for two fillets, its your own fault, and you have to keep the fish. If you make no personal connection whatsoever with a fish vendor, you are not committed to keeping the fish. Just an observation you may find useful some day.

I’m no music critic, but I sure love the new Oasis album, ‘Don’t Believe the Truth’. I’m off to Toronto this weekend to see Oasis, and I can’t wait because these guys are amazing in concert. There are a lot of comparisons to the Beatles music, so its kinda ironic that Ringo Starr’s son Zak Starkey is playing drums for Oasis. The last time I saw Oasis at Molson Park, my buddy was working backstage and tried to stop Liam Gallagher from driving madly around the area in a golf cart. The incident ended with Liam driving the golf cart right into a wall. How’s that for rock and roll.

It is my pleasure to MC an upcoming golf tournament for the Canada-Africa Community Health Alliance. This is an organization that delivers much-needed medical supplies to Africa’s poor, and they need your help. Call up your golfing buddies and book off Wednesday June 22nd. Its a full day of golf, an awesome dinner and prizes, at the Kingsway Golf and Country Club just a short drive away in Aylmer. Golf and dinner just $95, dinner only is $40. Call the Kingsway for more info, 827-1855. Hope to see you, I’ll be the one passing out the prizes. Tough job but someone’s gotta do it! It’ll be a great time.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The Boss is back!!!

June 8, 2005


The boss is coming back!!!!! Yay!!! Bruce Springsteen is bringing his acoustic tour to the Corel Centre this July 13th, and ‘tramps like us’ are ecstatic. Not only ‘cause we get to see him this summer, but we don’t have to drive for 8 hours to catch the show! How many times have you seen Bruce? (26 or 27 for me!) Do you have any Bruce stories you want to share? I will very gladly pass ‘em along or yak about them on the morning show. Yahoo!!! I’ve met Bruce Springsteen twice, actually shared a hot tub with him for about an hour in a hotel in Toronto. This was one of the top moments of my life. Well, that and winning a frozen turkey at a church bingo when I was seven. And of course, keep your radio on BOB FM, as we will definitely be giving away tickets!!

I’m learning how to play the guitar. My husband plays guitar, so he gave me a lesson the other night. Things were going OK with the G and the C chord, until the song I was learning required an F minor seventh with a drop down string. Or something like that. The guitar went immediately back in its case.

Apologies to a certain byward market produce vendor. Who knew that the one red pepper I had to have, was the one that was propping up all the other two hundred red peppers. Hey, did you know that red peppers bounce?

If you’re not familiar with the organization ‘Make Poverty History’, get on their website now, www.makepovertyhistory.ca, and sign up your support. This organization was the brain-child of none other than Bono from U2. With a goal of ending child poverty and encouraging our prosperous nation to forgive third world debt, Make Poverty History is catching on. Here at BOB FM we are committed to spreading the word about this important cause. Check out the MPH website and order some white wrist-bands. We’ll be along-side Make Poverty History at strategic events this year, including the U2 concert in November. Do what you can!

Monday, June 06, 2005

non-swimming dogs and spray-on tan disasters

At the cottage on the weekend, I saw something I’ve never seen before. A woman was paddling by in her kayak, and on top of the kayak was a dog wearing a life jacket. I think it was a jack russell terrier and it never occurred to me that maybe a dog with such short little legs just plain can’t swim. Can’t even do the doggie paddle, which is pretty much the only form of swimming I can do. Do they have life jackets for cats too?

Has anyone out there had any luck with those spray-on tans? I was in the drug store the other day and I stood there reading the label of ‘tan in a bottle’. ‘Spray on evenly, towel off excess, don’t shower for 2 days, don’t go outside, don’t move, sit still, don’t wear clothes, don’t apply anywhere near your mouth or eyes, and if used properly you won’t have orange streaks’. Hmm. Sounds like something I should try! If you have any spray-on tanning disaster stories, please share them here. Because, like all things in life, what seems like a good idea at the time always makes a great story later.

I had one of my favourite summer dinners the other night, ‘beer butt chicken’. Take a can of beer, shove it into a chicken, put it on the barbeque, close lid and walk away for 2 ½ hours. Oh yeah, one thing thats really important: if you make beer butt chicken, be sure to OPEN the can of beer first. Otherwise your chicken ends up in the neighbour’s tree.

You still have time to get in on the Ottawa Humane Society Golf Tournament, this Thursday at the Pakenham Golf Course. For details, www.ottawahumane.ca. There will be lots of prizes, a great meal, and I guarantee its the only golf tournament attended by golden retreivers. See you there!

Friday, June 03, 2005

one more time

‘Baby Hit Me One More Time’! Nope, not a Britney Spears song, well ok, I guess it is, but its also the name of NBC’s new reality show, where ‘one hit wonders’ get one more shot at fame and....hmmm....not sure what. I can understand Tiffany being a one hit wonder, and maybe Flock of Seagulls, but I take issue with Loverboy being considered a one hit wonder. ‘The Kid is Hot Tonight’ , ‘Everybody’s Workin’ for the Weekend’, the list goes on! When I first heard about this show I wondered about the phone call from NBC to ‘Flock of Seagulls’....’Hi there this is so-and-so from NBC and we’d like you to be part of our reality show for one hit wonders, are you in? Hell, yes!

I went through Almonte the other day and had to stop for gas. The gas station owner took one look at me and said, ‘You’re not from around these parts, are you’? I drove away wondering what he meant by that. I know that Almonte is ‘west’ of Ottawa, but I hardly thought I was driving through the wild west.

The CHEO telethon is on this weekend on CJOH TV, 7 pm Saturday night til 7 pm Sunday night. We are so incredibly lucky to have such a fine facility here in our hometown. Please take a moment to make a pledge and help our tiny tots.

Thank you to the homeless man who approached me in the Byward Market the other day and gave me a lilac. He asked me to have it because he said it was such a beautiful day and he felt great. Its in a glass of water on my window-sill, and its still beautiful. Ain’t life grand!