You Can't Always Get What you want, eh?

The Rolling Stones ‘Bigger Bang’ tour is back after the holiday break and I was lucky enough to catch the Montreal show, which was ‘the same but different’ from their performance here at Lansdowne Park in September. They played some old gems like ‘As Tears Go By’ and ‘Midnight Rambler’ , along with new tunes. But there was one moment at the Stones show that I will never forget. Was it …their rendition of ‘Tumbling Dice’? Nope. Was it….Keith’s solo performance on ‘Happy’? Nope. It was….Ron Wood eating a banana. Yep. Right in the middle of ‘Midnight Rambler’, Ronnie just reached over and grabbed a banana from the top of a speaker, enjoying a good mouthful or two of Chiquita’s finest. For the first time in my life, I got the real answer to the question, ‘Does Ron Wood like bananas’? The answer is yes.

I don’t know about you, but I like keeping concert ticket stubs for souvenirs. Its fun to go through them every once in a while and reminisce about a certain concert. I don’t have my ticket stubs framed and hanging on the wall, or anything quite that organized. Some are in my wallet, some are stuck to the fridge, some are pinned to the wall in the workshop. But it would appear that the art of collecting concert ticket stubs may soon be obsolete. For the Stones show in Montreal, we got an ‘e-ticket’. Instead of giving the Bell Centre ticket takers a ticket, we handed them an 8 ½” by 11 inch piece of paper with seat numbers and a bar code on it. They scanned it and handed it back, so we could find our seats. There were thousands of people walking around with these pieces of paper. It looked like we all brought our homework to the Rolling Stones show.

My good friends at BARK (Bytowne Association of Rescued Kanines) are gearing up for their major fundraiser, the ‘Woofs and Wags’ Walkathon. OK , so its not til May…May 7th, to be exact, but who doesn’t like to think about the month of May during the dark cold month of January. Anyhow, to raise even more funds and get some friendly competition going, all RETREIVERS are challenging OTHER retrievers to raise the most money for the Bark walkathon on May 7th. If you have a retriever, join the ‘Retriever Fever’ team! Let’s see if we can extend this challenge to other dog breeds too…..how about a ‘Poodle Patrol’ or the “Jogging Jack Russells’…maybe the ‘Marching Malamutes’….or, what about the ‘Hiking Heinz’s’’..? For info on the walk, check www.bark-ottawa.com

Fantastic news about the Ottawa Senators games now being broadcast on both the Team 1200 AND in crystal clear 100,000 watt stereo on our very own 939 BOB FM! Just outside of Ottawa in cottage country, the ice fishermen can now have the Sens games blaring from their radios as they sit in their chairs overlooking the hole that they’ve cut into a frozen lake! Now ‘that’s’ Canadian!!

I had to chuckle while watching tv the other night, of course the federal election has hit a feverish pitch and it seems that every second tv commercial is either promoting or lambasting one political party or the other. But one particular tv commercial caught my attention, simply because at the end of the spot, a very serious female announcer asks the viewer a question. The question itself, ends with the word ‘eh’.
I think the question was something like, ‘as Canadians, we don’t want that, eh? Sheesh. Maybe they added the ‘eh’ to really speak our language. They should also offer us beer and bacon in exchange for votes. And maybe a toque, eh?

How to Get a Parking Ticket

Bob FM’s ‘paying off your bills’ right now. Since Bob decided to give our listeners some sweet relief after the expense of the holidays, behind the scenes we’ve been quite entertained at the nature of some of the bills people are sending us. (incidentally, you can send us your bills too, all the info is on this website) Of course we’re getting the usual bills, Visa, hydro, cable, but my favourite so far….today BOB FM picked up the tab for 2 parking tickets. Which actually lead to quite a lesson for me. On the morning show, I advised listeners to do what I do….if you’re parking illegally for a few moments, just leave your hazard lights on and you won’t get a parking ticket. A parking ticket officer called us right away to set me straight on this. ‘Green hornets’ have their own name for hazard lights. They call them ‘come and get me lights’. If your vehicle’s lights are flashing you will actually be the first on the block to get that parking ticket. Sheesh. Foiled again.

I finally saw the movie ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’. I thought it was pretty funny but I think my favourite running gag in the movie, was the fact that at the electronics store where everyone worked, a music DVD from singer Michael MacDonald played over and over and over again on every single plasma tv in the store. In my experience, every time I go to any ‘high definition’ tv department, they are playing the Eagles dvd, ‘When Hell Freezes Over’. I have seen this Eagles DVD play about a hundred times. If I ever get the urge to watch it, I just go to a tv store.

I came across an interesting website the other day, its www.myheritage.com. This website actually matches your face with the celebrity face that most resembles your face. You simply submit a photo of your face, and they send back the celebrity match! Use this site with caution, though. No one wants to be told that they look like Danny de Vito.

I love reading Sue Sherring’s column in the Ottawa Sun. Sue covers the goings-on at city council, and today she was offering up the latest: city council is thinking of banning ‘personal scents’, such as perfumes, colognes, scented soaps and deodorants, from municipal buildings, recreational centers and even OC transpo buses. Sue envisioned the scene on the bus when each driver has to not only collect fees and check bus passes, they have to actually take a big whiff of every passenger. If they smell at all like a flower, they are not allowed on the bus. But if you stink like garlic, grab yourself a seat! Don’t you just love living in Ottawa?

Does anyone know 7500 songs?

Hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas! I’m still staring at my new ipod, which is staring back at me from its original packaging. I love the fact that I got an ipod for Christmas, but I’m not too keen on the instruction booklet that comes with it, which by the way is much bigger than the ipod. This thing has the potential to play back 7,500 songs. To put 7500 songs on my ipod, I’ll have some serious decisions to make. What about song number 7501? The Ozark Mountain Daredevils are just not good enough to be on my ipod? And what about songs that I really really love, like ‘Born to Run’. With the capacity to hold 7500 songs, seems a shame to have ‘Born to Run’ on there just once. I think I’ll make it every eighth song.

I was hoping that no chocolate would make it into the house over the holidays, because I can’t sleep when I know we have chocolate. But Rob got one of those giant Toblerone chocolate bars in his ‘stocking’, and he did just as I asked, he hid it from me. As I write this, Rob is off to work, and I’m alone in the house with a hidden Toblerone chocolate bar. Well, me and the three dogs. But they don’t care about Toblerone because they all got Pup-eroni and Schnausages for Christmas. If I don’t look for the Toblerone, the thought of it consumes me. If I look for and find the Toblerone, I will consume it. Great. What a dilemma. And I have so many other things I have to do today.

I am s-o-o excited about Bob Fm’s big announcement, that we are now the world’s only PET FRIENDLY radio station!!! This means great things for pets, pet owners and pet lovers in the Ottawa area! You’ll see our BOB FM ‘Pet Mobile’ on the roads very soon, dishing out doggie treats and fresh water and other goodies. We have also aligned ourselves with the Ottawa Humane Society and the Canadian Guide Dogs for the Blind, and we are committed to helping these important organizations with fundraising initiatives! Be sure to click on the ‘pet friendly’ icon on our website www.939bobfm.com, for tons of pet information, tips, and photos! Send us a photo of your dog, your cat, your snake, your budgie, join the club! And be sure to turn BOB FM way up before you leave the house. Your pets are less likely to eat your shoes while they’re listening to BOB FM.

Just before Christmas, I made some dog cookies (the recipe is in the previous blog post) and I brought some to work. After actually getting JR to eat one, I had three dog cookies left in a zip loc bag on my desk. I share an office with Lowell Green and Steve Madely. Steve Madely never eats food on my desk, but Lowell Green does. The next day I came back to the office to find that one of my dog cookies was missing. I’m pretty sure Lowell Green ate it. The good news, is that Lowell will probably stop stealing my food. The bad news, is that Lowell must think I’m the worst baker on the face of the earth.

What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? Getting all dressed up and going out for a big night on the town? Staying in and having friends and family over? Hope you enjoy the evening, and that at the stroke of midnight, the person closest to you is not your drunk uncle.

Happy new year!

Wake me up when its Christmas

The only Christmas presents I have left to buy, are the gifts for the dogs. And this year, it looks like my dogs are getting some good old fashioned home baking. Thank you to Patsy, who sent along this recipe for dog cookies. Mix 1 ¼ cups of water with same amount of peanut butter. In another bowl combine 2 cups whole wheat flour, one cup all purpose flour, and 1 ¼ tsp of baking powder. Mix the wet stuff with the dry stuff, roll it out, cut with a cookie cutter, and bake at 400 for 15 minutes. That’s it!! I probably should use a cookie cutter shaped like a bone, because everyone knows that dogs insist on all baked goods being shaped like a bone. But the only cookie cutter I have is shaped like a shamrock. Don’t think my dogs will mind if Christmas has a bit of a St Pattys Day theme. One final note about this recipe: if you notice, there’s nothing in the ingredients that we don’t eat ourselves. I’m wondering if I should make an extra batch for co-workers…………just kidding. I’ve been saving a fruitcake for them.

I saw a Christmas tree driving down the road the other day. I estimate it was about 14 feet long. The tree was strapped to the top of a Smart Car. For that one trip, I’ll bet that Smart Car felt like it was in the big leagues.

Have you seen the movie King Kong? The critics seem to love it but it didn’t exactly come out of the starting gate with a huge tally at the box office. At three hours ‘plus’, I wonder if that has something to do with it. When you figure in the time it took after arriving at the theatre, waiting in line to get your ticket, waiting in line to buy your popcorn, waiting in line to be searched for a recording device, then to watch the 22 minutes of commercials and trailers, you’ve already invested an hour and the movie hasn’t even started yet. No wonder we end up with numb bum.

It was quite the experience last week at the Bon Jovi concert in Montreal. I found myself standing about 8 feet away from Heather Locklear. Heather, of course, is married to Bon Jovi guitar player Richie Sambora. I asked her to sign my concert ticket stub, which she did quite kindly. When she handed it back to me, I dropped it and it fell behind a speaker. Heather Locklear bent down and fished my newly signed ticket stub from behind a speaker, then handed it to me once again. All this happened during ‘Living on a Prayer’. I didn’t feel too badly, as I’m sure she’s seen that song performed before.

I have a friend who has a one year old daughter, and an eight year old daughter. And another friend with a six year old daughter. I gave the kids their Christmas gifts the other day, for the six year old and the eight year old, I bought them each a singing gingerbread man. For the one year old, I found a cute fuzzy snowman. A day later, the Moms thanked me very much for the gifts. As it turned out, I had given the one year old a cute fuzzy snowman wine bottle cover. And for the other two kids, the gingerbread man sings, yes he does. He sings at the top of his lungs, as a matter of fact. And here’s what he sings about: how much he likes to run down the street with no clothes on. He’s naked, he loves it, and don’t anybody try to catch him.
Next year everyone’s getting a gift certificate.

Fruitcake! Food or Science Project

Artificial Christmas tree versus real tree? The debate has been going on as long as……..hmm.. I dunno. When was the first artificial tree invented? And was it the same person who invented artificial flowers and artificial grass? I have an artificial Christmas tree. Its quite a sad tree. I somehow misplaced all my ornaments just before Christmas last year, then at a Christmas party I won an ornament. It was a huge orange goldfish Christmas ornament. So, last year my Christmas tree consisted of one hanging fish. This year, its not going to be too hard to top that.

Most of my friends go out and get a real Christmas tree. They love the pine smell. I read that the most popular size for a real pine Christmas tree this year, is fourteen feet. Wow! That’s a tall tree. Probably being scooped up by all those people buying loft condo’s with high ceilings. Anyway, I have a question about these trees. Chopped down, tied up and tossed onto a gas station parking lot, these 14 foot pine trees cost about $50 - $60. This past summer, I went tree shopping. I needed two pine trees about 10 feet tall for my cottage. Two living trees, of course. For that size, they cost about $450 each. So…..lets see….a chopped down 14 foot pine tree is $50….. a living 10 foot pine tree is $450. Wonder if I can convince any of these Christmas tree farms to let me get my Christmas tree in May. I’ll bring my own shovel.

I was offered my first 2005 Christmas season piece of fruitcake the other day. Of course I politely said ‘no thank you’, because I despise fruitcake. I won’t eat anything that can actually out-live me.

Have you been to a re-gift party yet? These are getting increasingly popular. Instead of going out and spending tons of cash on something that someone doesn’t need, you simply go to your garage or basement and choose something that someone doesn’t need. Then you wrap it in pretty Christmas paper. Since everyone at the re-gift party has done the same thing, there is absolutely no shame. My friend recently went to a Christmas re-gift party but took it one step further. She gave me her re-gift because she thought I would love it. I am now the proud owner of a huge ceramic garden ornament, multi-colored, the theme being a family of turtles climbing up a wall. Who knew turtles could climb?

There’s a new dog food product, I won’t say the brand name, but basically its ‘dog food gravy’. You buy it in a bottle, and you pour it onto your dog’s bowl of dry dog food. I decided to buy a bottle and try it out. After I poured the gravy onto their crunchy kibble, my dogs ate their dinner in about 10 seconds. I swear I even heard them say ‘mmmmm’’ while they were wolfing down their new gravy-topped dinner. Apparently, dogs love gravy. I also know for a fact that dogs love cheese. Dog poutine! That’s it!!! I’m going to invent dog poutine. It’s a surefire winner. You heard it here first.

Say....Do you Work Here Often?

I bought my husband a Christmas present the other day, and I still haven’t given it to him! This is a record for me. Traditionally, if I find the perfect Christmas gift for my husband, it doesn’t matter if its November 14th or December 5th, I give it to him that night, the minute he gets home from work. Because I can’t wait for anything that has the potential of being good. Part of the reason that I have yet to give this gift to my better half, is because I’ve hidden it so well, I don’t know where it is. Too bad its not a gift of food, because my dogs would definitely have found it by now.

Its office Christmas party season! Don’t you just love stories about office Christmas parties? If you have any you’d like to share, please e-mail me back and I’ll post them here. Who doesn’t love a good office Christmas party story ….like the one that involved Todd in accounting and Michelle from marketing, some mistle-toe, too much rum and egg nog, and a photocopy machine.

Congratulations to everyone who participated in the 580 CFRA Christmas Cheer Broadcast on the weekend, and to everyone who donated for a total of $127,000 –plus to provide needy families with holiday food hampers. JR and I were happy to be part of CFRA’s 55th annual Christmas Cheer broadcast. Growing up in Ottawa, this has been a tradition that I look forward to each year. I apologize to all the guests who shared my chair throughout the day, and I hope my coffee spill dried up eventually.

It seems these days that you can’t pick up a national newspaper without reading some columnist’s opinion about our beloved Ottawa Senators. More and more writers are daring to say that this year’s Ottawa Senators are perhaps the finest hockey team of all time. That includes any team that’s ever played in the NHL, and any team that’s ever played in the Olympics. Wow. I hope this doesn’t jinx anything. I’m a little leary about big wide sweeping statements like the ones these columnists are making…’Best hockey team ever assembled’…because I’m afraid of the ‘jinx factor’. That being said, I can’t wait for the Stanley Cup parade down Bank Street. Can you buy ticker tape on e-Bay? Oops. I take that back. Can I take that back?

Thank you to the hundreds of people who did the same thing I did. We all got completely, 100 percent, sucked in by an internet hoax. It came to me by e-mail last week, a litter of golden retriever puppies who needed homes right away – OR ELSE! I responded to the email right away, gave my phone number, said I would come over and get the puppies right now, blah blah……only to find out, this was a hoax that has traveled through cyberspace since the fall of 2002! My sincere thanks to everyone who called the ‘Morning After on Bob FM’ to tell me that they had responded to this email too…even forwarding it to every animal lover they knew. Thank goodness I’m not the only one who once believed a friend who told me ‘you know, the word ‘gullible’ is NOT in the dictionary!

U2 U-phoria

After waiting months and months and months, U2 finally came to town Friday night. One of the ways that I rate a concert, is by ‘the day after’ factor. If I’m still re-living the show throughout the next day, that means it was, in my humble opinion, pretty great. As I write this, three days later, I’m still buzzing about U2’s awesome assault on our city. The moment Bono appeared – in what seemed like the middle of the crowd of adoring fans – we all knew we were in for one of those rare concert experiences. ‘The City of Blinding Lights’, the show opener, is one of the tracks on U2’s most recent album. With a body of work that goes back 25 years, it would have been all too easy for U2 to start the show with a mega hit from the past: a nod to nostalgia, an easy way to have the crowd eating out of the palm of their hands. But that is what sets U2 apart. U2 is still vital, still writing, recording, and performing new songs, still finding new ways to impress the toughest critics. This past Friday night, U2 raised the bar once again. Today’s new bands should study the phenomenon that is the U2 concert. This is how you do it!! Ottawa waited 20 years for the return of Bono and the boys. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say it was well worth the wait. Now….let’s see……who else can we convince to come to town………..

I’d also like to congratulate the many volunteers from the Make Poverty History Campaign, who were out in full force at the U2 concert. 18,000 concert-goers were made aware of your important message to end poverty in this country and around the world. For more details, www.makepovertyhistory.ca

I’ve actually started my Christmas shopping! This is the earliest date yet for me to head out to the malls in earnest. And I’ve purchased a few things. So far, while out Christmas shopping, I’ve bought myself two sweaters and a pair of jeans. I love Christmas shopping!

I bought a big can of peanuts the other day. Not sure exactly why, but I decided to check the label to see how many calories were in a peanut. The answer: a lot. Sheesh. I’m glad that I checked the label so closely, because also printed on the sign of the can was: ‘Caution. May contain peanuts’.

In time for Christmas, I have once again put myself on the ‘delicious’ diet. When I’m at a party and someone offers me an hors d’oeuvre, I ask them if its delicious. If they say ‘why yes, it is very delicious’, then I don’t eat it. Because if its delicious, it is loaded with calories. So then I ask the hostess if she has anything that isn’t delicious. So far, no one has provided me with that at a party. I, on the other hand, am only too happy to offer guests food that is not delicious.

Every year, I look forward to all the latest products that come out in the world of Christmas decorations. This year, it’s the giant snow-globe on the front lawn. So far I’ve seen two different snow-globes, one with two snowmen and one with Santa and a reindeer. I’m still waiting for the giant Niagara Falls snow-globe.

Poinsettia Push-over

I’d like to take a moment to thank the Ottawa Citizen sports section. Usually, November is a dull, dreary month. Not a lot happens. But, bless their hearts, the Ottawa Citizen sports writers have all given us something to talk about! Better still, something to argue about! Someone at the Citizen thought it would be a good idea to come up with a name for the Ottawa Senators fantastic trio, Alfredsson, Spezza, and Heatley. They held a ‘name that line’ contest, narrowed it down to three options, the ‘Cash’ line, the ‘Dash’ Line, and the ‘Dazzle’ line. So, with an overwhelming 12,000 votes, the ‘Cash’ line was the winner. End of story. Right? Nope. Every man, woman and child in the Ottawa area has come up with a name for the Alfredsson-Spezza-Heatley line. Yours truly came up with ‘Scorius Maximus’. I got no backers. JR from the Morning After on Bob Fm has quite a campaign going behind ‘the Pizza Line’, and I have to admit, I’m backing him on that one. I love the fact that the crowd at the Corel Centre starts chanting ‘Pizza Pizza’ once the Sens are closing in on 6 goals, because everyone gets free pizza if that happens. JR’s ‘Pizza Pizza’ line not only got a mention on TSN the other night….it got the biggest exposure of all, a mention on Saturday night’s Hockey Night in Canada! Color guy Ron Tugnutt slipped it in! Way to go, Tugger!! And thanks again to the Ottawa Citizen for giving us something to raise our fist about in dreary November. It sure beats talking about freezing rain.

Here’s something unique to mark on your calendar! Saturday December 3rd, grab your bathing suit and your towel and head over to the Orleans Recreational Complex, 1490 Youville Drive – for an underwater photo with Santa Claus himself! The Ottawa Beavers Underwater Scuba Club provides all the snorkel equipment so you don’t need to worry about that. Your unique photo with Santa is just ten bucks, and all proceeds go to the Champions for Children Foundation! No word on whether or not Santa Claus will be wearing a speedo.

Did you watch the Gemini awards the other night? No? Neither did I.

Each year, I buy a poinsettia at this time of year, usually from a charitable organization. Problem is, I still have all the poinsettias that I’ve bought for the last five years. Is it just me, or aren’t these things supposed to die off after Christmas, you know, just turn into brown twigs by February? Are they breeding poinsettias now to last for years and years? I don’t have the heart to toss out a perfectly healthy plant, but I can only keep so many poinsettias. I kinda resent their cheery yuletide spirit in the middle of July. People come over for a barbeque on a hot humid day and my house is filled with poinsettias. Does anyone else have this problem?

I’ve officially purchased my first Christmas gift. This is definitely the earliest I have ever purchased a Christmas gift. Maybe I’m in the mood because of all the poinsettias. This year, I’m going to do everything early and not leave it to the last minute. I even have the new Barenaked Ladies Christmas cd. I want to be one of those people who brags about being finished her shopping by December 1st. I’m going to make cookies too. And hot toddies. My life is going to be straight out of a Martha Stewart how-to Christmas magazine! Sure thing! Or maybe not. I just want to do things differently this year…. I have to remember that not everyone wants a fruitcake for Christmas.

It all started with the goldfish

An entire kitchen renovation usually starts with something like….the dishwasher being on the fritz. A new dishwasher easily leads to all new kitchen appliances. The wallpaper is the next to go, because it doesn’t fit the new look of the new appliances. Then, of course, the cupboards need to be ripped out because they don’t match the new paint and the new appliances. What the heck, you’ve gone this far, guess you should get the new kitchen table and chairs too. The reason the dishwasher didn’t work in the first place? A plastic Barbie tv got stuck in the dishwasher’s thing-a-ma-jig. But you got a whole new kitchen, and it just cost $20,000!

That’s kinda how my recent basement renovation started. I have 5 goldfish. They live in an aquarium in my basement. One day, we noticed that the aquarium seemed to be on a bit of an angle, and I thought that might be upsetting to my five goldfish. That was sometime back in September. Since then, the basement floor has been ripped up and replaced, the basement walls have been torn down, a new wall was built where there was no wall before, and now, all the electrical stuff is being wired for a surround-sound stereo system. I don’t know who loves our basement reno more, my goldfish or my credit card company.

Sad news for fans of Arrested Development. Fox TV has cut back on new episodes, and it looks like its going to be cancelled. Say it ain’t so! This is my favourite tv show!! Its crazy and often makes no sense!! Wonder if there’s anything fans can do to save the show. If not, I hope they have an auction of show memorabilia because I’d love to buy that truck with the staircase on top of it. I could just put it on my credit card.

If you want to be a part of the big fight scene being filmed for the upcoming movie ‘Rocky 6’, have I got a scoop for you! On December 6th at the Mandalay Bay Hotel in Las Vegas, Sly Stallone takes on some yet-to-be-named boxer in the ring, and you could be in the audience. Its as easy as going to the website, BeInAMovie.com, and signing up! I signed up, but then I realized that I can’t go to Vegas, because the electrician is coming over that day.

And for tramps like us, that is, Springsteen fanatics, not sure if we can wait to get this under the Christmas tree: the ‘Born to Run’ 30th Anniversary re-mastered CD /DVD special edition set. Not only has the Born to Run album been digitally re-mastered, you also get a DVD with a ‘behind the scenes’ look at the making of the album, AND some rare concert footage from a rockin’ Bruce show at the Hammersmith Odeon Theatre in London, 1975. This goes right into my Bruce collection, along with my ripped jeans and bandana. Can’t wait to get my hands on it!

Don't turn the car on twice, it makes a horrible sound

Darn that time change weekend thing! The time in my car is off by one hour and I guess it will stay that way for the next 6 months, because I seem to have mis-placed the car manual. Come to think of it, isn’t it kinda odd that a car comes with a ‘manual’? Pg 2: put key in ignition. Pg 3: while in ignition, turn key. Pg 4: if there’s a screeching sound like a thousand hell-cats coming from the engine, you’ve already turned the car on. You don’t have to do it twice.

I can’t find my car scraper, either. Car scrapers are like socks. I think they all end up in the same place. There’s an island that no one has ever stumbled upon, filled with single socks and car scrapers.

I was surfing on the internet the other day and came across a special cruise that’s taking place next February. It’s the Dave Matthews Rock and Roll Cruise. Leaves from Miami, then you spend three days on the ship with Dave Matthews, then you go to a ‘secret’ island in the Bahamas and Dave plays a show on the beach. Sounds pretty cool. For US! For Dave, hmmmm. When you’re on a cruise ship, there’s no escaping. If the fan from hell is also on board, yikes. I can just imagine Dave Matthews trying to grab a shrimp cocktail at midnight. “Hey! Look everyone!! Its Dave Matthews!!! Hey Dave!!! Do you know any Beatles songs?!’ Anything by Chumbawumba?’ Looks like you got too much sun today, Dave! How’s the shrimp, Dave?

I enjoy running into friends that I haven’t seen in ages. But today, I was exiting a pharmacy with a total of 48 rolls of toilet paper under my arms. It was on sale. I heard someone call out ‘Sandy!” and it was an old friend that I hadn’t seen in probably ten years. We made small talk, you know, the usual stuff, what are you up to these days, blah blah do you ever see anyone from school, blah blah blah…but the whole time I was wondering….does this person think I have a rather abnormal amount of toilet paper tucked under my arms? Should I just volunteer the information that there was a fantastic sale on toilet paper? Or would that shift the conversation to a really boring place? Why would someone need 48 rolls of toilet paper? Or did he even notice? What am I supposed to do in this situation? Just before I got myself into a self-induced sweat, my friend simply walked away. Sheesh. Nice talking to you , too.

I'll take an interesting life for $100, Alex

I have to write a 6-line biography about myself. I have no idea what to say. All Bob FM announcers have been asked to give a ‘bio’ about themselves for this website. Hmm. The only thing I can think of, is that when I drive, I have trouble seeing over the steering wheel, yet I’m 5’8”. And I have 6 goldfish in a 130 gallon aquarium, but only one has a name. His name is Todd Chunder. All the other goldfish are Todd Chunder’s friends. There. I’ve done a bio!

It is now officially less than one month to go before the U2 concert. We got the word that U2 was coming w-w-w-ay back in March. I think that this is the longest period of time that I’ve ever looked forward to something. A lot of people plan weddings one or two years in advance, so they know what its like. I’ve never done that. I have been looking forward to U2 in Ottawa for eight months. Sheesh. Quite the build-up. Usually I just look forward to next weekend.

Since Ken Jennings finally got bounced off the show ‘Jeopardy’, after winning a gazillion dollars, I don’t watch the show much anymore. I rarely get past the beginning of the show, when the contestants have to divulge something amusing about their lives. Is it just me, or are Jeopardy contestants really that dull? I just watched Alex Trebek ask a contestant to tell a story about his dogs. Turns out, the guy didn’t have dogs anymore, but he did at one time. Holy crap.

Speaking of Jeopardy, ok, its not the same thing (because its w-a-a-ay more fun).. you gotta join us at World Trivia Night! Friday, Nov 4th, Aberdeen Pavilion, a fundraiser for ‘Champions for Children’. Get your team together, collect some pledges, then get set to answer as many trivia questions as possible, usually the one who shouts the loudest has their answer accepted by the team! We need to fill out our team, ‘Bob’s Big Brain’, details on this website! Or, go to www.worldtrivianight.com! This is the one night when knowing your marsupials may actually come in handy!

Hey! That's my arm!

I only watched the new Stones video for the song ‘Streets of Love’ about 20 times. We taped it right from the show ‘Days of our Lives’ and I sat there with the remote control and my finger firmly on the ‘pause’ button. Since I snuck my way into Zaphod Beeblebrox for the Stones video shoot back in August, I was quite curious about the final product. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to actually be in the video, but I thought my fist-pumping may be. So, as I sat on the couch, watching the Streets of Love video frame by frame, inch by inch, I finally saw it. My arm. That was definitely my arm, and my fist. I was pumping it madly during the chorus of the song, and when I put the video on ‘pause’, I got a good look at my arm, sticking up in front of the boys on the stage. Wow. Maybe I should get a casting agent for my arm.

So Madonna has been popping up everywhere lately, promoting her upcoming album ‘Confessions on a Dance Floor’. She even walked in to a college class this week and surprised the students with a lecture about her life. Hmm. She’s been on tv a lot, on talk shows, etc, and every time she’s on tv she doesn’t miss the opportunity to announce that she never lets her kids watch tv because tv is bad. TV is only bad when it involves Bob Saget. Anyway, Madonna wants to help us clean our souls by hearing our confessions, or something like that. If you call the toll-free number 1-888-2confess, you can leave Madonna a list of any sins you’ve committed in the past week. She wants to know. I ate ice cream at 2 in the morning. There. I’ve confessed! Help me, Madonna!

They are draining the canal. If that’s not a sure sign of what’s to come, I don’t know what is. Soon, the skating shacks will be in place. They usually put those in during morning rush hour. I’ve been doing some serious cleaning and came across my never-worn skates recently. I say this every year, but THIS is definitely the year that I am going to go skating on the canal. Problem is, one of my skates has been half-eaten by a mouse. The soft foamy stuff on the inside and most of the tongue of the skate have either been eaten or carried off to make a nice little mouse bed. At least this year I have a legitimate excuse for not going skating. Mouse ate my skate.

its never dull with a Humunga Tongue!

Thank you to one of our wonderful listeners, Nathalie Cox, for sending me the link to a pretty amusing website. Its www.dullmen.com. This website is a tip of the hat to men who are dull, and lovin’ it! Dull men truly embrace their dullness. On this website, you’ll find: 61 pictures of picnic tables. Someone’s lawn mowing diary. Eight pages dedicated to the topic of ‘banning creosote’. And a father’s conversation about ‘rust’ with his son. Check it out for yourself. Not sure if there’s a similar website for dull women. If so, let me know. I’ll post something about one of my favourite topics, ‘zip loc bags’.

Fantastic news for those of us who are fascinated by weather. You know you’re in the club if you watch more than five hours of ‘The Weather Network’ each week, and you know the names of at least three of the Weather Network broadcasters. Anyway, its finally here! The new 2006 Environment Canada Weather Trivia Calendar! Why wait til 2006! Pick it up now and enjoy tidbits of information about weather that will make you a much more interesting person, especially at parties! (see, I told you, there should be a ‘dull women’ website!) I do admit to spending an alarming amount of time staring up into the sky.

I came across something on the internet that could be a great gift (Christmas?) for any dog owner. The website is www.asseenontv.com. The product is called ‘the Humonga Tongue’. It’s a red rubber ball with a giant red rubber tongue attached to it. You give it to your dog, and naturally your dog puts the ball in his/her mouth right away, wags its tail and wants nothing more than to play with this ball forever. The funny part is, while the dog has the ball in his/her mouth, the giant tongue part sticks w-a-a-y out. It looks like your dog has a 12 inch tongue. And the dog doesn’t care if you laugh, he’s having a great time with the ball so he’s not uncomfortable in any way. This makes ‘Humonga Tongue’ a much better product than doggie reindeer antlers, which I think dogs hate. If you ever see a photo of a dog wearing reindeer antlers, they always look really embarrassed.

Fans of ‘Rock Star INXS’…something cool to look forward to! Tara Sloan, one of the contestants on the show, will be in town this Friday. Tara will perform Friday at noon at the LCBO , Rideau at King Edward, a celebration called ‘Whisky Rocks’. Tara will join us in the studio, on ‘the Morning After’ on 939 BOB FM around 7:30 Friday morning. If you have any questions for Tara, send me an e-mail!

Getting tickets to the U2 show in Ottawa seems to be about as hard as, oh, I don’t know, maybe getting tickets to the Superbowl or the 2006 Olympic gold medal hockey game in Torino Italy. I’ve lived in Ottawa my entire life and I’ve never seen this kind of furor over one event! All the more reason to keep listening to 939 BOB FM, because this Friday is U2 Day – all day – 6 to 6 – we give away one pair of U2 tickets an hour. The contest is called ‘Who Do You Want to Take to U2’? and all the details are right here on our website. If you haven’t entered yet, do it right now!

I tested ‘spray on tan’ in a bottle the other day, just on my left arm to see what would happen. Thank you to the listeners who called to warn me that I should thoroughly wash my hands after rubbing the fake tan stuff onto myself. So I did. Hours later, I had quite a nice brownish-orangish left arm! Except the color stops quite abruptly at my wrist, and my left hand is still very white. Good thing its long-sleeve season!

why everyone should have a personal trainer

Did you happen to catch U2 on the Conan O’Brien show last week? We taped the show (its on too late for me) and just got around to watching it. That in itself is pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, for once I’ve actually watched something within a week of taping it. I still haven’t watched the opening ceremonies of the winter Olympics in Lillehammer, which I believe took place in 1994. But the tape awaits. Anyway, back to U2. I loved watching them on the Conan show because they were so relaxed, they were candid, they showed their sense of humour. Bono works so tirelessly to take care of serious global problems, and the world admires him for it, but it was nice to see him just kick back and have fun and share some laughs with Conan and the band. I loved how Conan dug up some tidbits from the past. With Larry, the Edge, Adam and Bono on Conan’s couch we learned that Bono started in the band as the drummer, but couldn’t quite cut it, then he was the lead guitar player, and that didn’t work out, then he wasn’t in the band at all, he was gently removed and given the role of manager. Then somehow he wormed his way back in, and became U2’s lead singer. Thank goodness for that. U2’s concert in Ottawa, we can actually say, is NEXT MONTH!! In my lifetime I have never seen a concert ticket so hard to come by. But, here at BOB FM, we want to thank all the listeners who signed our petition last winter and brought the band here. We have tons of U2 tickets to give away. All the details, right here on this website.

I’ve hired a personal trainer, his name is George. Having a personal trainer is fantastic. When you have a personal trainer, you use the phrase ‘personal trainer’ in as many conversations as you can in one day. For example, ‘Oh, that’s a nice color of t-shirt, that reminds me of the shoes worn by my personal trainer’. Or, ‘I’ll have a big Mac, fries, and, since I just left my personal trainer, I’ll have a diet Coke’. If you pay someone to be your personal trainer, you can say all these things. And then there’s something about getting in shape, too, but that’s not as big a deal.

My personal trainer is a caber tosser. He wears a skirt and throws telephone poles as far as he can. Can anyone tell me how this chain of events came to be? Did early Scotsmen decide that tossing telephone poles across a river was easier than building a bridge? And why didn’t they wear pants?

I’ve got my Hallowe’en costume all figured out. I know its early, but when inspiration strikes, you just have to go for it. I was watching ‘Arrested Development’ the other night, the show that is so funny but so twisted that its impossible to explain to someone at work the next day. Anyway, on the show, there’s a bit of a recurring theme involving the Blue Man Group. Perfect. I’m going to be a member of the Blue Man Group. Anyone know where I can get some metallic royal blue paint?

The Cute Team Is On Top!

I’m not sure how long it will last, but at this moment I am leading in the office NHL pool. I didn’t make my picks. I trusted that role to JR, and our producer ‘Hammer’. All I really cared about was that Ottawa Senators’ Mike Fisher was on my team, and that I had no Toronto Maple Leafs. The criteria for the rest of the players, was that they were cute. JR and Matt filled out my roster, I have 12 guys from all over the NHL, and I currently lead the pool. My pool-mates? John Rodenburg, of Bob FM and the Team 1200 Sports Radio, the biggest sports fanatic I know. Team 1200 afternoon host and former NHLer Gary Galley. Sens play by play guy Dean Brown. Sens color guy Gordie Wilson. 67’s and Sens play by play guy Dave Schreiber. Team 1200 morning guy Steve Warne. Team 1200 sports guy Al Jakubec. A Channel news & sports guy Dave Gross. And Bruce Garrioch, aka ‘Boo Boo’, sports columnist for the Ottawa Sun and frequent guest on the Team 1200 sports radio. And my team of cute guys is on top of the NHL pool. Like I said, it probably won’t last. But right now, I am enjoying the sweet taste of victory! When’s the next game?!!!!

What’s one of the most fun fundraisers of the year, guaranteed to make you shout out gems of trivia like ‘Moose was the real name of the dog on Frasier’?! Its World Trivia Night! With all proceeds to ‘Champions for Children’, World Trivia night is an absolute blast! Get your team together, up to 10 people. Get one person who knows a lot about history. One who knows a lot about pop culture. One who knows a lot about nature. And always round out your team with a sports nut. Give your team a funny name. Then register your team on-line at www.worldtrivianight.com. It costs $200 to enter, then you raise pledges, and if you raise enough pledges, you are eligible for the grand prize, $10,000!!! World Trivia Night takes place Friday November 4th at the Aberdeen Pavilion. The food is fantastic, the beer is cold, the team next to you will brag profusely (in a good way, of course) and its just a really fun night. Enter your team right now, because this event is always a sell-out!!!

Its Thanksgiving time! Can’t wait for the big turkey dinner. I have friends who are vegetarian, and they can’t wait for the big torfurkey dinner. Its tofu but they shape it exactly like a turkey, it even tastes like turkey. But the only thing they haven’t quite worked out with the torfurkey, is that it jiggles.
Whether you’re having turkey or torfurkey, enjoy your long weekend! And remember all that you have to be thankful for. Like being first in the office hockey pool.

INXS AND PRE-SALE MADNESS

This just in! The upcoming tour dates have been announced for the brand new INXS – featuring Canada’s own JD Fortune stepping in as the new lead singer….and….guess what? Ottawa’s not on the tour. The ‘Switched On’ Tour starts January 18th in Vancouver, then INXS do a bunch of shows in the U.S., then they are back in Canada on February 7th, Massey Hall in Toronto. Considering the fact that Canada supported the Rock Star INXS tv show more than any other country, including the U.S, I think that INXS should play every city in Canada. Just like those Corner Gas people.

I found out about the INXS tour by going on the INXS website, www.inxs.com, and surprise, surprise! INXS has jumped on the ‘pre-sale’ ‘fan club’ bandwagon, or as I like to call it, the ‘pre-pay for nothing’ club. More and more bands are doing this! On the INXS website, for the low price of $24.95 U.S., you’ll get information about the band before anyone else, and you can get concert tickets before anyone else. Does this drive you nuts? Can’t we just all be equal? Last week, when the Aerosmith show was announced, the ticket sale information came out something like this: As of Wednesday, American Express card holders could buy their Aerosmith tickets. As of Thursday, Corel Centre members could buy their Aerosmith tickets. As of Friday, me and you could finally buy our Aerosmith tickets. Oh well, at least we know that everyone in section 330, row Z refuses to buy into pre-sale ‘pay for nothing’ exclusive-fansite-members-only offers. We’re rebels!! Rebels with lousy seats, but still rebels.

This time of year is fantastic for anyone who loves taking pictures. With the trees starting to turn orange and red, I take my camera with me wherever I go. You never know when you’re driving along and right at a certain moment, the sunset meets a lone crimson maple tree and ‘click’! You’ve captured the moment forever. Except you’ve also captured the gas station next to the tree, with the price of gas at $1.19.

I came across this website, called ‘SaveMyAss.com’. Its directed at guys who tend to forget their wives’ birthday, Valentines Day, anniversary etc. ‘SaveMyAss.com’ will send your wife flowers on all special occasions, AND, they will also surprise her 6 times a year with ‘just because’ flowers, for no reason at all. You simply give them your billing information, and you can write all the little notes that go with the flowers in advance, one entire year’s worth. For guys, it means they never have to think about buying their spouse flowers. For women, they get the flowers 10 times a year from a company called ‘SaveMyAss.com’. I’m not so keen on this myself. I think I’d be more impressed by a squished donut that my husband actually picked up for me for a surprise, than a big beautiful bouquet of roses from the SaveMyAss company. But I’d love to hear what you think!

You know you loved K-Tel

Remember when you were a kid, (or a teenager), and every time you saw a tv commercial for K-Tel Records, you couldn’t wait to run to the record store and get it? I had quite a collection of K-Tel albums, but my favourite was ‘Believe in Music’, 22 original hits, 22 original stars. What they didn’t tell you is that they just gave you half of every song. On ‘Believe in Music’, there are such gems as ‘Go All the Way’ by the Raspberries, ‘Long Cool Woman’ by the Hollies, ‘Sylvia’s Mother’ by Dr Hook & the Medicine Show, and ‘Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves’ by Cher. And that was all on side one. If you have a K-Tel classic still kicking around, let us know! This Friday Sept 30th, on the ‘Morning After’, we’re kicking off Bob’s ‘K-Tel Weekend’! Original hits, original stars, like Maggie May by Rod Stewart. Only difference is, on the K-Tel album, Maggie May has been cut back to about 2 minutes long. We’ll play the ‘entire’ song! Should be fun. We’re also looking for other K-Tel or Ronco purchases you’ve made, maybe at 3 am while watching TV. Pocket Fisherman, anyone? Yes, I had one of those too.

The fall colors have started to appear, and a trip on the Wakefield Steam Train is a great way to see the gorgeous trees of the Gatineau Hills. Not to mention, the train drops you off in Wakefield so you can check out the shops and restaurants. But, a word of advice, someone you’re with should wear a watch because the train does leave without you if you miss the departure time because you’re eating beef stew in a Wakefield café.

You don’t need to be accurate, you just need to be aware if someone is nearby. If you have these two traits, why not come out and join us next Wednesday, Oct 5th, for the ‘Renegades Dart Showdown’ at the Lone Star Café, St Laurent Blvd. For just $125 for a team of 4, you get fabulous Lone Star food, plus tons of fun playing darts and the best part of all, most of the teams include an Ottawa Renegades player. Or, you can just come out for the food and fun and enjoy being a spectactor for $25. There will be prizes auctioned off, and all proceeds go to the Canadian Hearing Society. I will once again be on the team that finds new ways to lose each year, ‘The Screaming Hellfish’! For more information, contact the Canadian Hearing Society, www.chs.ca or call 521-0509! Hope to see you there!

Feng Shui Beaver

Congratulations to everyone involved in the Chum – Byward Market Association Katrina Relief Auction! Thank you to those who bid on the 939 Bob FM website items, close to $8000 raised for the Red Cross to help our American friends. And now, to help our ‘4 legged’ American friends, a group of people from Ottawa organization B.A.R.K (Bytown Association of Rescued Canines) is headed to Louisiana to help out dogs displaced by hurricane Katrina. The plan is to bring back 25 homeless dogs, and they need help! Cash, crates, even vans and drivers to assist the rescue effort. If you can help, please go to BARK’s website, www.bark-ottawa.com.

I’m still so excited about JD Fortune coming out on top, and being named the new lead singer for INXS. JD’s real name? James Dean Bennison. With either name, the guy has rock star attitude and I think he’s going to be a great front-man. Everyone’s loving his single ‘Pretty Vegas’. Word is that when INXS tours in a few months, Ottawa is definitely on the map because we were so supportive from the beginning. Plus, JD loves Ottawa. He spent Canada Day here. We told him Ottawa’s always like that, year round.

There seems to be a new trend in hotels these days. It’s a combination of feng shui, minimalist décor, bamboo in vases, ocean breeze scent sprayed on your pillow at dusk, and incense in the lobby. That’s some of the stuff we had at the Toronto hotel we recently stayed in. But the clincher, was the elevator. In the elevator was a plasma tv, that showed ‘soothing’ scenes. On our first elevator ride, from the bottom floor to the 9th floor we were treated to a babbling brook. But for all other elevator rides for the rest of the weekend, up there on the plasma tv, was a beaver eating a branch. I guess it was soothing. If you’re Canadian.

Let the rivalry begin. It’s the season of the Sens versus the Leafs. Sure, we’ll play other teams, but really, its all about the Sens versus the Leafs. Leaf fans paint their faces more than Sens fans. But Senators hockey players are better than Maple Leaf players. Which, in the long run, is far more important.

Up Up in the Air

Tuesday night – we find out the exciting conclusion to ‘Rock Star INXS’! The poll on this website tells the story: Bob FM listeners want JD to be the new lead singer of INXS! Don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that JD is the only Canadian left in the top 3…… he’s certainly been consistently talented, he has the rock star moodiness, and his voice best fits the INXS sound. This is a guy who was living with his dog in a car under a bridge in Toronto a couple of months ago. JD was busking with his guitar to save enough money to buy a battery for his car. Don’t you love a story like that. All we need is the happy ending!

One of the side effects of my job, is that I tend to need a nap sometime in the afternoon. My alarm goes off at 3:30 in the morning, so I usually get sleepy just after lunch time. This week I brought my car into one of those oil change places and I asked if I could stay in the car while they hoisted it up in the air to do their work. They said sure. I guess I feel asleep while my car was w-a-a-ay-y up in the air. I woke up and couldn’t remember what series of events could possibly have lead to me being in my car twenty feet off the ground. And not moving. Just frozen up there in the clouds. It was somewhat disappointing when I realized I was just getting an oil change.

Thank you to Janet and Greta Podleski for stopping by ‘The Morning After’. These two vivacious ladies have put out their third cookbook, ‘Eat, Shrink and Be Merry’, and its just as much fun as their 2 previous books, ‘Looneyspoons’ and ‘Crazy Plates’. Recipes include ‘Eric Eggstrata’, ‘Life in the Fast Loin’, ‘Turk de Soleil’…half the fun of this book is just chuckling at the titles Janet and Greta come up with for the recipes. After an hour with these two, you can’t help but talk in puns. Pick up their new book, or win it here on BOB FM on the ‘Morning After Mystery’. It’s ‘worth every penne’. P.s. I’ve been told to leave the puns to the experts. My attempt, ‘Fleetwood Mac ‘n cheese’ was met with blank stares.

Do Barbers Know Everything?

Wow, was I wrong! My informal poll asking women if they ever used a mens washroom in a public place, yielded surprising results. Well, surprising for me. Turns out that most women just don’t do it. Even if there are long line-ups at the womens washroom and the men are coming and going into their washroom without a care in the world, most women will not go into mens world. I started this poll because I find the women’s facilities at the Civic Centre are just not enough to handle all of us during a concert. Thank you to the women who wrote in…..you have inspired me to stop using the mens public washroom. Unless I really need to go.

I ran into CJOH’s Brent Corbeil recently at Bayshore Shopping Centre. He and his cute young son had just gotten their hair cut. Brent said he has been getting his haircut at the same place for, like, 22 years. This made me think, there is no truer loyalty than that between a man and his barber. If you can top 22 years getting clipped by the same guy (or woman) let me know. Just think of the stuff the barber must know about you. If there was a trivia contest about personal information, I’ll bet your barber would win. I’ll bet your barber knows your most embarrassing moment, your worst trip experience, and the names of all your kids. All that plus every inch of the top of your head! Stories?

Isn’t it cool that Robert Plant spent last Saturday in Wakefield, before his show at the Corel Centre? Wonder what he did there. Maybe he rented a canoe. Or maybe he shopped for home-made jams. Or maybe he watched the Wakefield steam train. Or maybe he posed by the red covered bridge. But chances are he probably had a beer at the Black Sheep. If anyone knows what he did, enquiring minds want to know.

Be sure to check out the CHUM / Byward Market BIA auction for Katrina Hurricane relief, right here on our website. There’s some cool stuff to bid on, concerts, dinners, or how about a double invite to CHUM movie premieres for one full year. All proceeds go to hurricane disaster relief. I have my eye on the art lessons from the Ottawa School of Art. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw. Sometimes in a shopping mall you see an artist selling their paintings, and to be honest, well, the paintings just aren’t very good. I’d like to be at least as good/bad as those people.